Where does it come from?

I was painting my Christmas letter and I wondered: Where did this desire and ability come from?

Once upon a time I used to draw my Christmas cards but then with my new family and us growing so fast, I wanted to include a family photo as our Christmas card. Some friends and family were missing the personal touch and so last year I drew a little scene at the bottom of my Christmas letter and this year I am painting some things on it. I will revise again next year I am sure.

But I wondered, Where did my "crafty" come from? I know that I learn some drawing and painting techniques in high school art classes. I learned to knit when I was in Illinois. I learned to cross-stitch from my mom. My sisters all learned to sew while I was out playing with the animals and such but my New Year's resolution will be to pull out my sewing machine and learn how to sew a bit.

So I know where I learned alot of what I can do, but why did I want to learn it in the first place? Where did the desire come from?

My mom bakes and sews and quilts and knows how to crochet and knit and cross-stitch and embroider. Jodi has done alot of different kinds of crafts (painting, etching, sewing), Heidi sews and quilts and Cheri is a wonderful cook and she sews in her "free-time" too.

I suppose my desire came from the environment I grew up in. My mom stayed at home with us for many years while we were little and I remember her canning and baking and working on the farm. I remember her working hard and that me and my sisters had alot of fun.

These desires are in contrast to the other desire I have...one that comes from my education and training on a professional level. The two sides have been warring with each other since before Lillian was born and I got a flattering phone call from the University of Maryland and I realized I can't really have it all, not all at once anyway.

I think this is all coming from a decision that I have made. That decision has the potential to bring about a lot of decisions in the future (like staying at home with my kids or not) and I am already struggling with those future decisions. I really need to just focus on the present and worry about that future if it ever presents itself.

Completely confused? Me too.

(You smart ones can probably see where this is going...eventually all will be revealed...)